(Danica is sitting at Tony’s desk, on the phone. Tony comes in behind her, but she does not notice.)
DP: Listen, it happens, don’t worry about it…it happens to everybody, sometimes you just can’t get it up…to speed…alright, meeting’s about to start, take car of our little buddy…yeah, the dog, what did you think I meant?…HAHAHAHA!-
TS: Tell Ricky I said hi.
DP: AIIIIEEEEE! *slams phone down* DON’T YOU EVER KNOCK?!
TS: It’s my office.
DP: Sneaking around like a f*cking cat. *gets up* Warm up your own seat next time.
(Kurt Busch and Kevin Harvick come in.)
DP: Frick and Frack are here.
Kurt: *looks behind him*
DP: *rolls her eyes* The ‘doofus’ is strong with this one.
Tony: Alright, let’s get started.
DP: SIT THE F*CK DOWN-
KH: We are sitting-
DP: AND SHUT THE F*CK UP! (Glares at Harvick) Especially you…Chatty Cathy.
KH: *Shifts uneasily in chair*
DP: Yeah, you thought I’d forget about that? You thought that because I ALMOST F*CKING WON AT TALLADEGA THAT I’D FORGET?! IS THAT WHAT YOU THOUGHT?!
KB: You’re always yelling.
DP: Shut up, shorty!
KH: My words got twisted.
KB: What did you say?
KH: I said she’d never do what Jimmie and I do.
KB: Win championships? I’ve got more championships than you.
KH: I’m having a good year, though.
DP: So your words got twisted. Well, mine did, too? Did you hear about that?
KB: He already said no.
DP: Piehole, rookie, shut it! Not gonna tell you again! (To Harvick) Yeah, my words got twisted, too. I think I said something like, GO F-
TS: Okay, come on, that’s enough, let’s just calm down, we’re all on the same team here.
DP: I said, PFFFTT!
TS: Alright, whatever. Okay, Talladega, how’d we do? Kurt, you finished 7th. That’s a good run.
DP: Ummm, am I the only one who actually looks at the results? He finished behind two scrubs driving for poor people!
TS: Talladega. It doesn’t always make sense. Kevin, you finished 9th. Not bad.
DP: THAT’S EVEN FURTHER BACK!
TS: Danica, you finished 19th.
DP: Drove past Jimmie for the lead though, Smoke. HAULIN’ THE F*CKIN’ MAIL!
TS: But you finished 19th.
DP: Got shuffled back. Nothing I could do about that.
TS: And I blew a tire and finished 34th.
DP: Not your fault. F*ckin’ Goodyear!
TS: Not a bad weekend, all things considered.
DP: Not bad?! NOT BAD?! I didn’t come here to compete with a bunch of start-and-parkers! I came here to win TALLADEGA!
KB: You didn’t win Talladega.
DP: I ALMOST WON! I WAS LEADING WITH 14 TO GO, BUT THE F*CKING YELLOW FL- *she falls over backward on to the floor* OW! MY F*CKING ANEURYSM RUPTURED AGAIN!
(They rush to her side)
TS: Are you okay?!
DP: BLEEDING INTO MY OWN BRAIN, SMOKE.
KH: What can we do?
DP: Nothing. Give me few minutes. Once the hemorrhaging stops I should be fine.
DP: Listen, guys. You may have to drill a hole in my skull to relieve the pressure.
KB: You want me to do it?
DP: No, you’re stupid.
DP: No, you’re more stupid than he is. I need a crew chief.
TS: I’ll go get Tony.
DP: *grabs him by the arm* Not Tony. I need a good crew chief.
TS: Okay. (Runs out)
DP: NOT KNOST EITHER!