(Chip Andretti and an Anonymous WAG are seated opposite each other in metal folding chairs.)
AW: You’re sure I’m going to remain anonymous?
CA: Amy, please. We’re professionals here. Your name will not be used, you have my word on that. (To intern) Do NOT use Miss Reimann’s in this.
Intern: Is that with a “y”?
AW: It’s “ei”.
Intern: And, Amy, that’s just spelled the normal way?
Intern: (To self) Reimann comma Amy.
CA: Then put “do not use” next to it.
Intern: Got it. ‘Do not use Amy Reimann’s with an “ei ” name.’
CA: See? Journalism.
AW: I’m just a little nervous.
CA: You want me to beat the intern? That make you feel better?
AW: No, don’t do that.
CA: How ’bout a lil drinkypoo? That always calms the nervous. (Proffers a half-finished bottle of scotch)
AW: No, no thank you.
CA: Well, just some for the monkey, then. *finishes bottle* Wooo! I should really start mixing that with something. Ice, maybe.
AW: Wow. You can really drink,
CA: First in my class at DU…I! *laughs*
Intern: *laughs* Good one, Chip.
CA: What’s it like living with Junior?
AW: Well, it’s-wait. Won’t people know who I am if you use Junior’s name?
CA: People aren’t that smart, Amy. Besides, there are a lot of Juniors in NASCAR right now. Jimmie Johnson Jr.
Intern: Allen Bestwick Jr.
CA: Andy Petree Jr.
AW: Still makes me nervous, though.
CA: You want me to beat the intern?
AW: No, but could you just mark it out?
CA: Hey, that why they make erasers, right?
AW: You’re using ink.
CA: (To interns) Somebody get me a f*cking eraser in here!
(They wait until an intern returns with an eraser. Chip and the intern work feverishly trying to erase the name from Chip’s notebook) It’s not erasing, it’s just getting all smudgy. (They continue to erase feverishly) Wow, that’s really on there good. Make sure we have plenty of these pens. Alright, stop…I said stop! (Slaps at intern, who had continued erasing) (To AW) It’s not coming off. Tell you what, I’ll just remember to take it out later.
AW: You’ll remember?
CA: Unless I have too much scotch and black out again, yes.
AW: Okay…I guess…
CA: So, what’s it like working on the 88 pit crew?
AW: Well-wait. Won’t people know it’s me if you use the car number?
CA: Maybe if he still drove the 8, but most fans can’t count all the way up to 88.
AW: Still, it makes me nervous.
CA: (To intern) Photoshop a 42 over that 88. (To AW) So, what’s it like working on that pit crew.
AW: I’m not on the pit crew.
CA: Get out!
*Intern starts to leave*
CA: Sit down, you idiot! (To AW) Aren’t you the front tire changer?
CA: What about scraping the tires, taking the temperature, then writing the temperature on the tire. That looks pretty easy. You do that?
CA: Do they do that in Fahrenheit or Celsius?
AW: I’m not sure.
CA: I bet it’s Fahrenheit. Metric system never caught on here.
AW: I guess not.
CA: So what do you do? You work in the fab shop?
Intern: ‘Cause she’s faaaaab.
CA: I will beat you with this *swigs last little bit out* empty scotch bottle.
Intern: Sorry, Chip.
AW: I’m really not on the team. I just go the races to support [Dale Earnhardt Jr's name redacted].
CA: How does that make the car go faster?
AW: Well, I guess it doesn’t, really, but it’s nice to sometimes have someone cheering for you.
CA: What does that do when you cheer? Make it turn better in the corners?
AW: It’s just being supportive.
CA: You ever sit on the pit box and figure gas mileage?
AW: No, [Steve Letarte's name redacted] does that.
CA: What about traveling with the crew?
AW: Oh, I don’t travel with the crew.
CA: (Shows her a picture) You ever ride in this?
AW: What is it?
CA: A dirty old pickup truck with a flat tire. That’s how the crew gets to the race. They traded a lawnmower for it.
AW: Oh. Well, I never travel with the crew.
CA: Really? They don’t let you on that gold plated helicopter, or that private jet that’s made out of plutonium and diamonds?
AW: Oh, I fly on those; the crew doesn’t.
CA: Why? ‘Cause they’re dirty?
AW: *giggles* No.
CA: Stinky from working so hard on the racecar?
CA: I bet the motorhome gets crowded with all you guys in there.
AW: Well…they don’t come in the motorhome either.
CA: Where do they sleep, then?
AW: Hotel, I think.
CA: Probably in the hallway. You ever kick one of them when you walk by?
AW: No! I would never do that!
CA: Me either. But I’d have an intern do it.
AW: That’s awful!
CA: I’m just kidding. I’d do it myself.
AW: You’re mean.
CA: Hey, thanks for doing this, you’ve been great. (To Intern) Alright, bring in that anonymous crew guy from the 48 team.