(Representative Jackie Speier is seated before Chip Andretti)
CA: Now, you’re an idiot, right?
JS: Congressional representative.
CA: Nary a difference. Now, when you were growing up in Russia, what was that like?
JS: I didn’t grow up in Russia.
CA: Oh, I’m sorry, I meant Nazi Germany. We’re you able to play with the other children, or did turning in your Jewish neighbors take up all your time?
JS: I didn’t-
CA: Okay, let’s skip ahead. (Holds up a book in one hand and some papers in the other) Okay, in one I’m holding the Communist Manifesto, and in the other the Constitution of the United States of F*cking America! Which is which?
JS: The constitution is in your right hand.
CA: Wrong! It was a trick question, that’s my liquor store order. (Yells) Get in here!
(Intern rushes in)
CA: (Gives him paper) Go down to the liquor store and get these.
Intern: (Peruses order) 18 year?
Intern: We don’t have enough in petty cash for the 18 year.
CA: (Stares at the wall for a minute) Okay, take my overcoat, it’s got big inside pockets. (Winks)
CA: STOP F*CKING WINKING AT ME AND GO STEAL ME SOME SCOTCH!
Intern: (Runs at full speed toward the door)
CA: Wait! Come back. Just stand here beside me. (To Speier) Okay, I had this idiot (nods toward intern) read the Constitution to me, and the part about you depriving people of due process on a f*cking whim must have been missing.
JS: It’s not a whim, it’s an allegation.
CA: That part must have been missing, too. But since we’re punishing people based on allegations alone, STOP TOUCHING ME THERE!
JS: I didn’t touch you!
CA: The intern saw you!
CA: Don’t worry, the truth doesn’t matter at this point, it’s just an allegation.
(Later at Police Headquarters, Chip is talking to a detective)
CA: And then she touched me here. (Points to an area on the intern)